Memorial Ceremony - inspiration

We just had a memorial ceremony yesterday for one of our Soldiers who was killed in a recent firefight. I have saluted the Soldier's cross (boots with an upside down rifle and helmet with dog tags) at least a dozen times now. Each time, whether I've personally known the Soldier or not, it has brought about a certain kind of pain. A pain that knows it won't be the last time I render such a solemn salute. A pain that prays to God that others won't have to render such a salute to me because I never want Robyn and Porter to have to suffer through what that means.

But this was different than the other times. This was the first time since my first deployment that I have attended a ceremony while down range. The first deployment, I was still a new LT, and it just seemed surreal. I followed the person in front of me, did not know the Soldier, and rendered a salute as was the custom. The pain and heartache of those around me was not my own, because I had not experienced the loss of someone I knew, and I was still somewhat neive to what it meant to lose a Soldier to one of these bastards.

This time was different because I am acutely aware of the fragility of this life, and have been the one comforting the family through the painful notification; through the funeral and the aftermath that goes with the loss of their Soldier. When I see the memorial for this Soldier whom I've joked with at least once or twice and seen around the FOB, and I'm sure for all future memorial services, it brings to mind all those I've known who have gone before. It brings to mind the families of those who've gone before and the strength and pain that I have witnessed in them.

Watching the Soldiers in the company and platoon who really knew this Soldier, crying, and hugging each other as they mourn together on this day, I feel for them. I am proud of them. Their strength and courage to continue on a daily basis when millions of Americans back home know nothing of their sacrifice, brings me strength. After the ceremony, they'll have time to share stories and remember their brother in arms. But, after that day, they'll be back out, conducting patrols, making damn sure that the sacrifice of their brother was for a reason. Many of them will use his memory to serve as the fervor to spurn them further on the several mile dismounted movement, carrying nearly one hundred pounds of gear, halfway around the globe away from their loved ones.

Perhaps what is more admirable is the restraint and courage that the platoon and company have shown in the wake of this loss. They rose above and refused to take it out on the local population of the villages in the area that they took fire from...although it can be most certainly said that the people in the area probably knew who conducted the attack, and where they went with their injured/killed insurgents. Instead, they realized that these people are in a difficult place...help the Americans today, face the insurgents tomorrow who come and beat or kill them when the Americans are at another village or back at their FOB.

The Soldiers will not let this stop them, and will be back out there after the insurgents who hide like cowards in plain sight, intimidating the locals into submission. I am proud to be a part of this. I am proud of our batallion and look forward to seeing their progress throughout the rest of the deployment.

field trip

Well,

I got assigned as an investigating officer for what's called a 15-6 investigation. They do these whenever someone has a bad accident, or in my case, loses something very valuable and sensitive in nature. So, I have to hand off my duties to my NCO for a couple days and go interview a bunch of people about what they know and what they're roll was in the loss of the item. It takes precedence as my primary duty now, and I'm the only one in the BN Staff that can do it because I'm the only one that outranks the company commander...besides the two majors...and they aren't about to do it. So, field trip for me! I'll make sure to take some pictures and some day...maybe I'll get some pictures up on here. Hopefully I'll be able to get to the bottom of this thing kind of quickly so I can get back and catch up on the real work I have to do. I'm just looking forward to being the commander so I don't have to do these silly staff tasks. I know there will be a plethera of other retarded things to take care of, but it will be nice to be off of staff! Only another two months! On another positive note, they are telling me that I don't have to take leave before I take command, so that rocks! I'm slotted for Sept-Oct right now, so Hawaii here we come:) Hopefully I'll be able to avoid losing stuff like the company I have to go investigate...just crappy circumstances trying to changeover property at the same time as trying to learn a new AO and get ready to bring the fight to the bad guys. I don't think I'll have the same challenges since my platoons aren't really going outside the wire...they just man the guns on 4 different FOBs and provide artillery support where it's needed. Anyways, I have to get going, so more to follow when I get back from my field trip;)

The "wall"

I am borrowing the idea of this from my future BN CDR's wife. She wrote in her blog about the 'wall' that spouses hit during a deployment. With this being her 4th deployment and this our (Robyn's and my) 3rd, I can relate and understand what she's taking about. I am writing from this side of the pond on the 'wall' that we hit over here. It comes on this side too. Generally around the same time, 2-3 months into the trip after you realize, "holy crap...this is going to be a long deployment." It comes once everyone figures out the terrain, their take on what they think the enemy is doing, and when they get a handle on their individual job to a point where the thought process and discovery learning aren't as involved. Not that there aren't new challenges daily, but the routine is established, and there's time to be bored and the xth briefing set of slides you prepared or mission you participated in isn't that much different than the rest. Then there are the stupid things about a deployment that generate the inevitable discussions from the nay-sayers about why we're here. The casualties, the accidents, the Soldiers getting in trouble for doing dumb things like negligently discharging their weapon after cleaning it. After a couple months of energetically searching out a better way to do business than the unit before us and getting stifled in one way or another, by the weather, by the system of beaurocracy, or the chain of command being too busy or focused elsewhere to notice...it limits one's motivation to continue to knock down walls. The chain of command gets into their comfort zone too...they get to a point where they have their grasp on the situation and another way to solve it is less readily accepted. I think that is true of most leaders when we find a way to solve a problem that we think will work, our openness to trying another way decreases exponentially as time goes on. It is my goal to break this cycle, recognizing that I have gotten to this place, and most of the unit has as well. I will work to continue to find new ways to fight and win, and I will endeavor to ensure my Soldiers do not become comfortable with the way things are. We can and will continue to improve. If we can't, then why bother after being here for almost 10 years? In an unclassified news release, GEN Petraeus said he thinks the TB are going to bring it pretty hard this year. I know our BN is welcoming the challenge and looks forward to helping them find their Allah and give these people and the unit that follows us some peace in the future.

Ground hog day

I've been here for just under two months now. After two months it seems like nothing is really changing. Things go on the same schedule every day...which is not that bad because it makes things go by a little faster I think, but it also makes all the days kind of blend together. Your perception of time skews when you do the same thing every day with no weekends. The only thing that really helps me keep track of the days are the various meetings that are scheduled to mark the weeks that we plan off of. That's one of the reasons I'm so looking forward to going to take command. Not that I'll work any less than I do now, but it will be a change of pace. That's one of the reasons I enjoy being an officer in the Army for. Every year or so you get to change jobs or at least who your boss is. For now, I enjoy my boss and who I work with, but I've been working for the same boss now for almost a year and a half. That's long enough for me! I don't know how I would do in the civilian world if I had to have the same career or specialty for my whole life. Not that I'm knocking that, I just think I would get so bored. I see why people go through mid-life crisis...I wonder what the correlation to that is with their job satisfaction? Interesting study for someone like my sister-in-law.

On another totally random note- I got an email from an old friend from high school today who happens to be over here in Afghanistan as an F-15 pilot in the Air Force! Kind of neat considering he is a couple years younger than me. It seems like our school had a LOT of service members per capita...word to recruiters, go see Tully High school in Central New York! Kind of makes you feel like you're from a place with the right priorities. Found out my cousin (also named Joe Mroszczyk) is on a Human Terrain Team in Iraq right now too. With less than 1% of Americans serving their country, I feel blessed to know so many. Kind of makes me wonder what the rest of the country is doing? Oh well, motivate your friends and have them go see a recruiter! That's all for now, I'll rant some more later!

The leave problem-forgive my vent.

Leave is always a good thing right? I mean, who wouldn't want some time off? Why not take it when you can get it? Well, when you know that it's going to be the only time in one year that you get it, and that the rest of the time you'll be working 16-18 hour days in a combat zone with no breaks outside of meals and gym time, you make damn sure you get it at the most opportune time. That is, if the Army allows you to. Why wouldn't the Army let you take leave when it best suited you? Well, there are several competing reasons, and I'll lay down a few.

1. Only 10% of the unit can be on leave at any given time.
2. You get 18 days of leave, plus almost a week depending on travel time on either side. So essentially, you're not doing your job (so someone else is picking up the slack) for a whole month.
3. There are only 8-9 months during the deployment that we can take leave...so if you think about the 10% rule...you should need 10 months to make that work right? So it has to be managed very carefully.
4. There are priorities to leave. People who have due dates are generally given priority for those times. Then there are other scheduled things like surgeries for loved ones, or graduations for Soldiers with seniors in high school. All those things need to be weighed by the leadership.
5. Then there's the obvious, how many people can do the same job you do to cover down while you're gone? When will it hurt the unit least to have you out and still be able to accomplish the mission? For folks like myself in a rather key staff job, there will need to be a serious effort put into the several aspects of my job by other staff members splitting it up on top of their normal duties.
6. As a commander, your presence effects the morale and direction of the unit. Continuity in planning and execution are critical from the CDR. Normally that applies to maneuver type units like an infantry company. I will be taking command of a firing battery of artillery. That battery is split of accross Eastern Afghanistan in 4 locations and I will not be present at any one of them for more than a couple days a month due to that. The platoon leader at each location steps up to control that platoon and receives guidance from the CDR whenever possible. The difference is, the missions for them don't really change. Shoot here, shoot there, keep the guns working, make sure they have enough ammo and that they're doing the right things right. So, would my absence for a couple more weeks as a commander from a platoon like this make much difference while I'm on leave? How about if you consider my having an executive officer to visit and take charge in my absence. Or my 1SG being able to do the same.

These are the arguments I have about the unit wanting to put me on leave in a few weeks...with 9 months left in the deployment by the time I get back. I understand there are factors to consider, but for heavens sake, let me and my guys work around it when the time comes. I just can't go home so early after Porter and Robyn are starting to adjust to things and mess that all up and then leave for even longer.

I AM thankful for the opportunity to command the battery and do not want to downplay the commander's role in that. There are many aspects that I will affect for the better of the battery, but when does the Army factor in my personal concerns too? That's a problem I have seen accross the Army. Soldiers are taken care of by leaders and officers, while senior level officers assume that junior officers aren't bound by the same emotions and concerns as their Soldiers. Officers are expected to simply deal with the extra time away and still want to remain in a position where we are undervalued, rarely thanked or appreciated for our contribution, and if we exceed the standard, usually given even more work to do to make up for the lazy officers who somehow get by making the same amount of money with less stress.

Hopefully, if I am ever in a position of authority of which I am complaining, I will remember this plight and not repeat the same mistakes.

Please pray that I hear good news from West Point about my application to teach...I have heard bad news from 2 of the 5 departments already. I'm still trying to figure out what my plans are if they all come back with bad news.

Please also pray that I'll be allowed to take leave later in the deployment while in command. Deployments are hard enough...taking leave at the wrong time...interfering with plans for another child, and Robyn's new job (that she won't have leave for) will only compound the pain.

Well, hopefully the next post finds me in a better mood and with happy news! Goodnight.

The weather

Well, since my last post was about the rain...why not follow it up with snow? Last night began the onslaught of snow here. By the time we woke up in the morning, the front of our tent had collapsed from the weight of the snow on the roof. One of the guys that sleeps on the top bunk said he woke up and felt like he was suffocating from the ceiling in his face! The camo net hanging in front of the tent had collected a bunch of snow too, and made the extra weight too much to bear. Hopefully the poles aren't completely broken and we'll be able to get it fixed here soon. Part of the problem is that those of us who live in the tent all work about the same hours and when we're not at work (or in the MWR) we go back to the tent just to sleep. So, that doesn't leave much time to fix the tent. Part of the problem is that I'm so dang short that I can't reach the ceiling to try to fix it without help. Maybe tomorrow night I'll get one of the guys to help me with it. We've been working to update all the old unit's stuff to transition over to our ways of doing things. In part of the transition from my perspective, we've been fixing some of the errors with pre-planned target packets (very time consuming). Each time we shoot, there's a packet that goes along with it, and the locations, imagery, etc. all have to line up. While I was reviewing one of the target packets that the old unit had done, I noticed that there were a couple of discrepancies, so we went back and looked through all of them. Well, time's up on the computer, more next time!

Rainy Days in combat

Rainy days in a combat zone can be many things. Just like back home, they have their place in the world. Rainy days at the right time can help you get some peaceful sleep at night, the rain drops on the tent, lulling you into a stupor. Rainy days can also complicate things, make everything muddy, harder to see, and slower to get the job done. One thing rainy days do in combat though is prove how hard our Soldiers are and what they can accomlish despite adversity. Soldiers still pull guard, man their weapons, and remain vigilant. Our ability to fight in any condition is what keeps us ahead of the enemy. With the weather the other night, one of the Soldiers asked if we would still shoot one of our fire missions...
"Hell yeah!" was my reply.
"But, Sir, isn't that dangerous? Couldn't the round drift somewhere it's not supposed to?"
"Artillery is an all-weather weapon system...we're not the Air Force. We're going to shoot, and we're going to do it to make sure they know we can."

It's times like that when I love being an Artilleryman. Guys out there, manning the guns, putting rounds out no matter what.